It’s after 10pm here in Nashville and I promised myself that, this day wouldn’t end without a post.
I’ve been overthinking things, and that type of energy drains me because I know what to do. I know how to sing like no one is in the room, and I know how to express myself till the words I feel are unfulfilled and authentic.
I’ve been wondering what to write about, feeling like an imposter because that very thing I’ve been practicing hasn’t reached a level worthy of “perfection” and photo ready for the gram. I’m not always neatly arranged, still it’s important to create till makes sense. It’s important to produce craft until each edit becomes a published work of art.
I encourage you in my posts to keep going, repeat affirmations, mediate and take deep breaths and all those things are true for me. I practice it daily and the fact that I’m here writing on the blog proves that affirmations work. Sometimes writing takes your everything.
I’ve been reclaiming my life daily. I needed this solitude because I’ve never had this time to come home and address no one. I’m learning in the quiet things about myself that still overwhelm me. I’m still triggered by people who share their unsolicited opinion about me. Then I’m angry because I still allow it to bother me. I’ve come along way, when I was a child I was angry often and I wanted to do things to people that I can’t say aloud. Now I keep to myself, mind my business, sing, cry and point my energy in other places. I am so happy and grateful that there are tools for me to cool down and connect my mind and heart.
Apart from graduating from school, finding a job, meeting friends and a partner, finding shelter and community, with all those people, places and things, we as humans still need be one with ourselves. We need to be our closest friend. To enjoy our own company and find purpose, a reason for living. Because I’m learning in my solitude that even with many people around, I can still feel totally alone. But I’m not alone when I have my higher self, when I can forgive my yesterdays and celebrate my today’s. It’s a joy to just be, my sacred resting space with grace.
I’m learning to forget about the destination, and that it’s important to know what I’m doing and who I’m serving, while cherishing the now.
So keep dancing, singing, working, writing, loving one another until it make sense. Until your reason for living plants itself in your mind, and while you’re intention has clarity, you’ll see and feel the epiphany thee AH HA. I hope that for you and me.