It’s best if I start writing. I want to be ever so careful with my words. I believe in the power of words. We each have the power to encourage or discourage ourselves. So I told myself this evening:
“You’re doing such a great job T, writing each day. You’re going to apply this discipline of writing when you return to University and complete your program. You can do this. Tonight you’ll take a bath and watch your show with candle light and then you’ll go straight to the computer and write your posts. Start writing T, and the words will flow…“
I tend to overthink (shh, the subconscious mind is listening). Have you ever talked yourself out of an important task? Well of course and there’s a word for that, and it’s the big P word… *rolling eyes* a familiar word & mindset that I want to divorce.
Well, I work best when I move in the flow of ease. I do enjoy writing and I can even spend hours editing. Still I don’t like when I overthink, it’s the part I dislike about writing the most. Because you can write about anything, you can write about not being able to write and the moral can come from that discomfort. Well I encourage you and I dare you to move. The only way to celebrate and share those victories is to do-the-damn-thing, and to reach the best part of your story, is to start.
I often imagine I’m participating in a video game or I’m narrator of my own story, and I must kick down walls to win each level. After I bust down the walls, there’s a celebration or ceremony, I win I prize and then I can finally unlock a new perspective or I learn a new skill that equips me for the next level. Well sometimes I tell myself, I’m not strong enough, so I’m standing at the door and if I beat myself up enough, I just sit at the door, I even set camp and that’s my new home, I wake up to a large door and the only person that can decide my fate is me, I don’t have to open the door alone, but I do need to make a decision, I do need to seek counsel. That’s how it feels sometimes when I’m second guessing myself and I’m refusing to make a decision. Well I’m saying this here, I got things to do, doors to kick down with my heroic scream… and it’s all worth it, it’s worth the sacrifice. Yes life can feel like a maze and sometimes that maze can feel like torment, still, there are people along the way, and if you look around connect with others, there are maps/GPS, and there is hope, keep on getting up T, keep pressing on, you’ll make it…
Let me tell you, and I’ve said this before, I am so happy and grateful to be writing on this page. I needed a space to rest my thoughts and share how I’m feeling so I can look back and be inspired by the growth and change. I didn’t realize that I’ve been writing on this page for 1 year until I checked the main dashboard and scrolled to the bottom, and I saw the date of my first post, mind blown. I look forward to writing and sharing my 100th post.
“Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.”
I call myself a tender human, I’m like a jar of coconut oil on a hot Texas summer day, because I’m crying now as I write, I just needed to know that I could really do it. I can start something, complete it and keep moving forward. Cheers to many moments of being intentional, doing the work, completing the task and manifesting moments into reality.
I hope that my sharing inspires you, and reminds you, that you’re not alone in the journey. We’re all figuring it out through trial and error. We’re all borrowing from one another. I’m here as another human finding my way, I hope that our frequencies align here.
“You’re never too old to start learning, and you’re never too young to aim high and achieve great things.”