||48||: Disappointment

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Trigger warning: Thoughts of depression and gloom, from a character study.

I didn’t expect the weight of disappointment to hit me so hard, What’s so hard about getting out of bed?

I didn’t expect for food to taste so odd, When was the last time you ate today, do you have an appetite, does food even taste the same?

I didn’t expect to miss you so much, For the quiet to be so loud, When was the last time you were touched, hugged?

I didn’t expect to envy everyone that appeared to easily put on their adult uniform with the shirt, pants, and shoes with the strings carefully tied and merrily carry on. What is wrong with me, am I deathly afraid of being alive? 

I didn’t expect to feel this slow slumber depression, so early in the morning, Quick put on a feel good song and dance to start the day. Quick, post a photo of your beautiful hair, symmetrical features and manicured lawn,

Who do I call when the pain feels like a tightness in my chest, it feels like I’m gasping for air and snot’s gushing through my nose? It isn’t always sunshine and flowers, is it? 
When was the last time you admitted, I – can’t – do – this – alone?

Rock, soothe, cry and embrace the now, loving one self with mercy, truth, space and plenty grace.
The weight isn’t yours or mine to carry, call on the Creator, your guardians, mentors… ask for spirits with agape to clear the path to enlightenment and total healing.

It’s okay to seek help, it’s perfectly normal to seek guidance and instruction. We weren’t created to be alone, people need people.

Sending love & light, to those who pray to make it through the day to day, thinking of you…

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